Rethinking Teachers' Perceptions of Parents: Fostering Strong Teacher and Parent Relationships
During my time as a student teacher at a title one school, I vividly remember an incident that left a lasting impression. As I walked down the hallway, I overheard a teacher passionately venting about the behavior challenges she faced with students during recess. This was a common rant at this school (though luckily my mentor did not participate). However, as her rant unfolded, it took an unexpected turn towards criticizing the parents. She expressed her belief that these parents didn't care about their children, asserting that they were oblivious to their needs. A feeling of unease washed over me, although as a new teacher and young adult, I struggled to fully comprehend what bothered me so profoundly.
As educators who work in title one schools with high percentages of students living in poverty, we must challenge our assumptions about parents and students and foster a community of collaboration, respect, understanding, and love.
Over the years, as I continued my journey and had the privilege of getting to know hundreds of parents, some valuable truths have emerged.
Nobody understands their child better than a parent does
No one loves their child more fiercely and completely than a parent
(and I think my most important belief) Everybody (and I mean everybody) is doing the very best that they know how to do with the resources available to them
1. Parents Know Their Children Best
No one understands a child better than their parents. They have witnessed their growth, nurtured their dreams, and endured their challenges since day one. As teachers, we must acknowledge the profound depth of parental knowledge and expertise regarding their own child. By embracing this truth, we pave the way for more effective collaboration and meaningful partnerships.
Acknowledging this truth can be incredibly effective when a student is having a hard time in class. Recently, I began working with a group of struggling fourth grade readers. One of the students refused to leave his classroom and come with the group the first two days I came to his homeroom to pick him up. The parent communication could have gone something like this, "I'm calling because "Boyd" is refusing to come to his reading group. He ignores his teacher when I come to pick him up and puts his head down and does nothing." A parent may say "I'll talk to him" or they may get defensive or they may feel shame as though under attack and get angry at their child when they come home. Here's an alternative that lives in the truth that parents know their children best, that respects the parent and child, and that strengthens the teacher, parent, student relationship. "I'm calling because "Boyd" has been having a hard time joining our reading group. I'm really looking forward to having him in the group. This work is important for his success. I was thinking since you know him best, we could brainstorm some ways to support him so that he gets the most out of this group." The alternative is actually how I presented the situation to the students' father on the phone. The dad thanked me for my time and said he would have a conversation with "Boyd" when he got home to see what was going on. The next day "Boyd" joined the group. By week three, he had the strongest participation and was showing steady growth. His dad enjoyed receiving regular updates about "Boyd's" progress.
2. Love Knows No Bounds: Embracing Differences and Cultural Understanding
It is essential to recognize that love takes on various forms and may be expressed differently by parents from diverse backgrounds. Sometimes, as teachers, we encounter parenting styles, cultural practices, or expressions of care and affection that differ from what we are familiar with, leading us to question a parent's love for their child. However, it is crucial to approach such situations with cultural sensitivity and understanding (starting with the simple belief that a parent's love is rooted in lifelong connection and knows no bounds is helpful).
Cultural differences, diverse upbringings, and varying access to basic resources significantly shape the way individuals navigate their roles as parents. Conditions like poverty can place immense stress on families, affecting their ability to meet certain societal expectations. By acknowledging these factors, we broaden our perspective and gain insight into the challenges faced by families within our educational community.
Rather than allowing our own biases or limited experiences to cloud our judgment, we must embrace cultural differences and seek to understand the unique ways in which parents demonstrate love for their children. By fostering an environment of acceptance and inclusivity, we can build stronger relationships, promote cultural understanding, and ultimately provide better support for the children we serve.
3. Nurturing Compassion: Understanding Dysfunctional Systems
Since my student teaching experience, I've encountered numerous instances where teachers or administration disparage parents based on their child's behavior, academic performance, or the conditions in which they arrive at school. However, let us not forget that systemic issues underlie these challenges. Many parents are grappling with their own set of hardships, navigating an unforgiving system that perpetuates inequality. By embracing empathy and understanding, we can work together to dismantle these barriers and create a network of care and support for all.
4. Assumptions: The Detrimental Mindset vs. Assuming the Best
Making negative assumptions can hinder our ability to foster a nurturing environment for students. While exceptions may exist, it serves no purpose to make sweeping generalizations about parents. Instead, we should turn our focus to assuming the best in everyone, acknowledging that each person is doing their best with the resources and tools available to them. By doing so, we can build bridges of trust, respect, and collaboration, benefiting not only the child but the entire educational community.
As teachers, our commitment to the well-being and success of our students goes beyond the classroom walls. To create a network of care, compassion, and support, we must actively seek to build relationships with parents, checking and rethinking our opinions or preconceived notions about them. By working together, leveraging our resources and expertise, and understanding the systemic issues at work, we can create a more inclusive, collaborative, and respectful educational environment. It is through these efforts that we truly serve the best interests of the children we care so deeply about.
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